Dear C,
How clever of you to invent a whole new tradition! First there was re-gifting, now there is de-gifting, by which you summarily wrest the present you just gave from the recipient’s arms, in favor of depositing it in the hands of someone more appreciative – or at least higher up the social food chain, as is the custom here in DC. I do hope the trend catches on.
Thanks for the manicure, btw – at least that’s something which cannot be taken away by force – at least, not without some training by the CIA.
But pray, what is the etiquette governing extra-familial trust funds? Are we obligated to your youngest, in the (unlikely) event that our own friendship does not survive? Or may we pass on the promised millions to a more deserving child – say, the offspring of Donald Trump and Melania Knauss, whose friendship we are cultivating as we speak? I ask only because it was touch and go there for a few days, when I wasn’t sure if you would choose us or your Kansas City intimates, P&K to the guardians of said cherub’s soul. Now that you have chosen us, dear C, rest assured that I have nixed all plans to firebomb your house and spread rumors about your drinking. Oh, and sure we’ll take of her religious education. Always fancied finding out more about scientology myself.
Of course, all of this is dependent on my old man making the millions upon which our future happiness (yours and mine) so clearly depends. In your case, however, as a busy litigator, in addition to wife and nominal mother of four (just kidding), you will probably earn this money yourself, by single-handedly defending some heart-warming corporation from the evil class-action sex discrimination suit brought by hubby, who rumor has it likes to bat for the other team. In my case, unfortunately, the financial security of hearth, home, children and self are soley dependent on the work ethic of a man who rises from his bed only to greet my friends.
I wonder which of us made the better choice?
Faithfully,
P.
P.S. Sorry to hear that the au pair is unhappy, although I can’t say I’m surprised. She looked rather gloomy zipping past me in the Mercedes the other day. Boyfriend troubles, perhaps? Would you like me to have a chat with her? It’s no trouble, honestly. In fact, it might give us something to talk about on those occasions when she is required to hang around my house while your children play with mine.
