Dear C,

I am hoping you can help with a little marital dispute the oldballandchain and I seem to be having (shocking, I know).

It has recently come to my attention that my IQ is three points higher than his. Never mind that this knowledge was acquired during the course of an at-home intelligence test administered by the twins; or that the results are most likely within the margin of statistical error, resulting from one or two lucky guesses on my part. (The oldballandchain doesn’t need to know that part). The fact remains, dear C, that by this measure, at least, I am objectively smarter than my spouse, which I believe entitles me to the final word in most matters. Wouldn’t you agree?

Imagine how much simpler and more pleasant life would be if only the OBC simply concurred with all plans and requests (alright, orders), instead of resisting with the kind of knee-jerk stubbornness which reminds me why I never want a two-year old again? Think what joy those four little words: ‘Whatever you say, honey’ or ‘You are so right, dear,’ would bring. If only the OBC would agree concur with everything I say, want or do, our marriage would be perfect, and the whole family would be happier, as a result.

Of course, the fact that I continue to rely on the OBC as our main breadwinner is troubling, but hardly surprising, given that girls consistently outperform boys across the board on academic tests, before embarking on marriage, motherhood and a life of multitasking that leaves no time for the lofty, but single-minded business of actually ruling the world.

Naturally, the oldballandchain disputes the results, and is busily researching further intelligence tests for us both to take as I write. Fortunately, if his traditional lack of follow-through is anything to go by, he will do what he always does when I ask him to fix something around the house, and rush out to buy all the requisite materials, then never quite complete the job.

Assuming this is the case, I would be more than happy to pass these materials along, for you to make your case with hubby as well.

P.