Dearest P,
First I must confess my shock and dismay that one could place a monetary value on any husband. Aren’t they are all, frankly, priceless?
That said, it’s important to consider the lyrics of the old standby: "Nothing from Nothing Means Nothing, and You Gotta Have Something If You’re Gonna Be With Me." In other words, it is extremely important to weigh, at convenient marital intervals, and the anniversary of one’s marriage is a convenient enough date, what the old man still offers. If it’s less than the price on his head, start mentioning his depressed state to everyone you meet.
I do hope my legal expertise will never be required in such matters. The collection of sums should occur so smoothly, and the widow’s dress should be so staid, that no one would dare breathe a word of inquiry. Yes, that means only sensible pumps for the wake and nearly a year after, dear P. Save the Ferragamos for dancin’ on the grave when no one’s lookin’.
Faithfully Yours in Black Widowhood,
C.
