C,
What does it say about a wife when her husband starts lusting after other women she considers less than attractive? It was bad enough when the oldballandchain fell in love with a certain actress from JAG, and started hanging out in his bathrobe while watching 3 episodes a day on Tivo. No use pointing out that JAG is the ultimate chick show, or that the actress in question had boobs like my grandmother. Now it turns out that the oldballandchain has always had a thing for Steffi Graff – the strapping German ex-tennis player with the long, well-toned legs of a gorgeous MAN. And it gets worse. When pressed to reveal how he could possibly go weak at the knees at the sight of a woman whose nose must get jammed in elevator doors and at the same time fall in love with moi, the love of his life, the oldballandchain went on to profess his affection for our children’s former gymnastics instructor, who could crush him with one squeeze of her meaty thighs. Are we detecting a pattern here? Either I have a far more distorted body image than I already suspected, or we are woefully ill-matched. I would retaliate by pointing out my undying affection for Dick Cheney’s thin-lipped but oh-so-rakish snarl, if it weren’t for the fact that I am having so much fun right now calling him ‘Wurm’ and cracking the whip.
Faithfully,
P.
