Dearest C,
Sorry I've been rather incommunicado this past week, but I've been verrah, verrah busy since returning to DC from Florida. Doing what, I hear you ask? Suffice to say, it does not involve an affair (although the OBC has his suspicions); merely the merry round of thrice weekly bodily upkeep and attending to the general social whirl. But if anyone asks, let's just say that Obama is very grateful to have me on his team and leave it at that.
The only cause for concern I can see in eldest cherub's sorry tale is his naive belief that the hackneyed old 'water in the bottle of vodka' trick would fool his mother for even a nanosecond – and on New Year's Eve, no less! Hard to believe the boy knows nothing of his parents' proclivities, given that even your youngest cherub knows better than to interrupt your evening cocktail to request a bedtime story (thankfully, Nanny is there to oblige). What on earth are they teaching children in boarding school these days, if not how to discard empty bottles under beds and behind bookcases, where they will hopefully languish undiscovered for many years – or in my case, until the school principal carries out his annual inspection, at which point you naturally accuse your highly religious roommate of planting it. The other important lesson is to continue to deny all knowledge of said alcohol, even while displaying obvious signs of intoxication, not limited to dizziness, vomiting or, in the case of one particularly brazen schoolmate of mine, while presented with photographic evidence of herself swigging back a bottle of gin while standing in a liquor store dressed in a nun's habit (after all, all nuns do look alike). How else do you think the ruling classes are able to maintain a steady hand on the ship of state, if not for the character building they receive during their formative years at the nation's prep schools? Clearly, your fellow DC parents have received such training, which is why they are now so willing to leave your cherub high and dry (so to speak) in the matter of 'fessing up. The only exceptions to this rule may, in fact, be the Obama girls, who can probably drink and party their way through high school, secure in the knowledge that when the time for college and job applications comes, they have the kind of connections that really count.
Faithfully,
P.
