Dear C,
What do you think the pumpkin soup was, if not an act of charity? The fact of the matter is, you have been looking so THIN lately, dear C, I felt it incumbent upon me to try and put a little meat on those bones. Could it be that class action lawsuits don’t pay as well as they used to? With so many mouths to feed, I can understand how a mother might prefer to deny herself, rather than deprive her youngsters the nourishment they need. Just say the word, and the soup kitchen will keep flowing. But if it’s a question of winning the coveted prize of Thinnest Mother on the Block, let me state for the record: Enough already: you’ve won.
Now, I know there are those who will scoff at the idea that anyone who can afford a Club Nude Vacation this Xmas could possibly be in need, but trust me, I understand…..As a matter of fact, it is my firm Republican belief that the rich are not so much richer, simply as regular people with much greater needs. Take the small army of doulas, cooks, nannies, housekeepers, private tutors, therapists and kindergarten consultants required to shepherd their gilded youth through those critical early years. Where is the charity to pay for all that? And on a personal level, how on earth could you possibly be expected to compete with the Mother Theresa Heinzes of this world (not to mention hubby’s twenty-two year old receptionist), without regular servicing at the tanning salon, and day spa? Do the poor ever stop to think how much time all that takes?
To paraphrase the late, great JFK (not an obvious hero of mine, but there we go), maybe it’s time you asked not what you can do for charity, but what charity can do for you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to sell my youngest’s pony tail on E-Bay.
Faithfully,
P.
P.S. Broke the news about my solo trip to Blighty last night, and the obc seemed to take it surprisingly well. Now, of course, I’m convinced it’s because he’s having an affair…..
