Our Little Miley is Grown Up

September 10th, 2014 : No Comments »

miley-cyrus

Dearest Phoebe,

In the event you were considering allowing the twins to see Miley Cyrus in concert in D.C. on April 10, you may want to reconsider.

I know our darling Hannah Montana is gone forever, but who knew the 21-year-old Miley would want to transition from schoolgirl to harlot so quickly? Feigning sexual acts on stage with a replica of a former president seems to move beyond the ambitious young woman’s need to cultivate a new image.

Although I’m no prude, I don’t see a reason to parade in front of our tweens with pot leaves as a design feature on a costume (not to mention the $40 souvenir rolling papers available at the show). In addition, her weird fetish with oversized stuffed animals seems likely only to confuse our cherubs into thinking she is still a girl and not a young woman making very adult choices. It’s a confusing and altogether inappropriate message for her target market. Unless, of course, she doesn’t want their attention at all.

She’s made my decision not to buy overpriced tickets for the show brilliantly simple.

–Crystal

* * *

Dear Crystal,

Thank you so much for your stern words of warning. While I am all in favor of young women feeling sexually empowered and expressing themselves accordingly, it does seem to me that La Cyrus is not so much asserting what she wants as pandering to what she thinks her fans like.

But given that, I doubt many ageing former presidents (!) have her on their playlist and the average twenty-something male would probably die rather than admit he did. I fear Miley has misjudged her audience.

Surely most of them are pubescent and impressionable young girls who would probably be happier if she went back to being Hannah Montana half the time, even if Miley is rolling gold leaf joints backstage?

Someone needs to inform Miley that being a true rock star involves actually rebelling against cultural stereotypes, not letting yourself be exploited by them. And whatever you do, especially if it involves updating your image, don’t make it look like you are trying too hard. After all, you only have to look as far as Justin Bieber to realize that going off the rails, and destroying your own tiresomely wholesome image, comes all too easily to most former child stars.

Fortunately, the question of whether or not to take my teenage daughters to her show is moot, since neither of them would be caught dead singing along to one of her songs — unless it’s “Best of Both Worlds,” which they are still known to reprise in the shower upon occasion, when they think no one is listening.

— Phoebe

Leave a Reply