Dear C,
Remember how I was just telling you over tea this afternoon that my new philosophy in life is to only make choices that make my life LESS hellish, not more? It all so seemed simple, didn’t it? When weighing up two competing options, one of which would result in disappointment or inconvenience to a family member or friend, and the other in additional stress or inconvenience to me, I was henceforth always going to choose the former.
The breathtaking simplicity of this solution was enough to bring tears to my eyes. It was all so self-evident, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. After all, it wasn’t as if the rest of the world was falling over itself to do me a favor. One had only how to look at how my friend, S had the unfailing ability to palm her children off on me while on vacation, without so much as a whiff of reciprocation, to see what a carefree, untroubled existence those with good boundaries lead. No wonder the OBC always finds her so charmingly laidback and unruffled!
Alas, I had failed to contend with the thorny problem of my pre-teen when I made this pronunciation. No sooner had I taken the decision NOT to agree to take her best friend to the beach with us next week – a journey that would require the cancellation of 3 appointments on my part to accommodate her availability – than said pre-teen fled to her room and burst into loud, gut-wrenching sobs. Judging by the wailing coming from her room, I had just killed her pet rabbit and was now systematically boiling it for dinner. The sobbing continued long after I had retreated to my bedroom and locked the door, intending to ignore the storm until it had passed. After all, she and I both knew she was faking it.
Half an hour and one shower later, the wailing from her room was still audible over the sound of my hair dryer. I decided to face the guilt like a man, head on. I knocked on pre-teen’s daughter.
I have to admit, she was good. Instead of screaming at me that I had ruined her life, she merely accused me of always putting my friends first – a fact that is truer than I care to admit. She also accused me of never following through on any promises. Again, completely true.
The upshot of our conversation is that the OBC and I are now driving two very happy pre-teens 11 hours each way for a beach vacation that lasts all of 4 days (to fit in with friend’s family schedule).
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to cancel 3 appointments.
P.
Tags: boundaries, choices, hell hath no fury like pre-teen scorned, motherhood, pre-teen
