Thanks for not flinching at the sight of my cervix, new friend!

August 8th, 2012 : No Comments »

From: momof3law@hotmail.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net 
Subject: Birth Announcement
Do you mind taking a quick look at Baby’s birth announcement to make sure I’ve avoided any major faux pas before I send it to the printers?

Our friends and former neighbors in Kansas City are clamoring for news, so I need to get this out as soon as possible, even if I haven’t slept a wink in the 48 hours since we left the hospital. Turns out, Baby clings to my boobs in the same intense way George did long b/f any of our cherubs arrived.

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: momof3law@hotmail.com
I don’t see any attachment. Can u resend? Btw, you might want to consider getting a new email address, now that you are a mom of 4!

From: momof3law@hotmail.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
Generally don’t like to use my work email for personal correspondence, but it seems like everyone else in DC does. Any idea why that is?

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: momof3law@hotmail.com
They do it to prove how important they are – a practice I would encourage you to adopt, so long as you aren’t engaged in a torrid workplace affair, or revealing something you wouldn’t like the firm’s email monitor to see.

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
Sterling Morris said it was OK for me to use my new work email, so long as I make sure to include the disclaimer at the bottom. Trust me, an affair is the last thing I need in my life right now, between unpacking the moving boxes and getting all four cherubs settled before I start my new job. Here’s the birth announcement–I think I attached it this time!

Desperate in DC Birth Announcement

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE:  This e-mail communication and any attachments may contain confidential, privileged and titillating information for the use of the designated recipients named above. You are not authorized to forward this e-mail to anyone unless authorized, or for purposes of idle gossip.  If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you have received this communication in error (or possibly on purpose) and that any review, disclosure, dissemination, distribution or copying of it or its contents is prohibited, no matter how juicy it is. If you have received this communication in error, please destroy all copies of this email and any attachment. Do not, whatever you do, forward it onto all your friends first!

Skye Chat
crystalwalker
oops. Wasn’t expecting you to be online at 4 a.m. Hope my email didn’t wake you. Only time I get on computer is when Baby is nursing but rest of the world is asleep. If I prop her up on a pillow, I cAn even tYpe with tow hands!

phoebethompson
this is actually best time of day to reach me. May no longer have babies to juggle, but I’ve developed habit of waking up for several hours during middle of night ever since twins were born. Used to drive me crazy till realized it’s actually most peaceful part of my day. I can catch up on email and shop online w/o being interrupted to service anyone else’s needs.

crystalwalker
that’s gr8, but aren’t u exhausted?

phoebethompson
permanently, altho’ find the occasional catnap at stop lights helps. 🙂

crystalwalker
btw, thank u for driving me to hospital the other day, after George was unable to leave work to take me. Hard to know what could be more important than the birth of one’s last child, but speeding tix will be a glorious reminder of how fast u drove to get me there.

phoebethompson
It was honor to be present at the birth of yr 4th child – and what a beauty she is, too! Also a thrill to be caught up in an actual birth drama – the urgent phone call; the legitimate need to speed; the fact that no-one else, including the putative father of your unborn child, could be there for you during yr hour of need.

crystalwalker
must confess, I was a little intimidated when u first stopped by with homemade beetroot and black bean muffins to welcome us to neighborhood a couple of weeks back. Not sure if it was the perfect blonde bob, the extra-short tennis dress or the devoted at-home mothering. But now that you’ve stared down my cervix w/o flinching, feel sure we’ll be BFFLs.

phoebethompson
you and George caused quite a sensation round the Village when you first moved in, as I don’t think anyone had seen quite so many children from just one marriage. Here in DC, only the very wealthy or those on their second or third families (the two usually go together) breed with such abandon. Also refreshing to see a family of brunettes in this enclave of natural and highlighted blonds (I will leave you to guess which I am). And delightful to be able to spend so much time with you during a month in which every other resident and their dog in the Village seems to be out of town. Glad my words of support proved helpful during active labor, which you insisted on enduring, like so many DC super-mums, without any kind of narcotic relief.  I made the mistake of giving birth to twins in my native London, where the midwife took it upon herself to let epidural wear off for pushing stage. I have an outstanding contract on the woman to this day.

crystalwalker
emailing announcement again now, and will make sure to actually attach it this time. BTW, don’t know what to make of the various Village newsletter offerings.  Can u pls advise if we should join the Country Club or Village Diversity Group?

phoebethompson
depends if you prefer hanging out with people who like alcohol or wheat grass in their smoothies.

crystalwalker
the former, of course. 🙂

phoebethompson
then it’s Country Club all the way, my friend. Must invite you to Prospective Cocktails asap, so you can see for yourself.

crystalwalker
would love that, but don’t you have to have a third generation drinking problem to get into such places here on the East Coast?

phoebethompson
trust me, the only family pedigrees you’ll find at the Village Country Club belong to member dogs, not their owners, although they may like to pretend otherwise. 😉

crystalwalker
guess it takes someone from the mother country to sort out the true WASPS from the wannabees. Fingers crossed they accept applications from people who hail from flyover country.

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