The Novel

Village Whiner August 2012

August 7th, 2012 : No Comments »

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Posted in Chapter One, DC, The Novel


Thanks for not flinching at the sight of my cervix, new friend!

August 8th, 2012 : No Comments »

From: momof3law@hotmail.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net 
Subject: Birth Announcement
Do you mind taking a quick look at Baby’s birth announcement to make sure I’ve avoided any major faux pas before I send it to the printers?

Our friends and former neighbors in Kansas City are clamoring for news, so I need to get this out as soon as possible, even if I haven’t slept a wink in the 48 hours since we left the hospital. Turns out, Baby clings to my boobs in the same intense way George did long b/f any of our cherubs arrived.

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: momof3law@hotmail.com
I don’t see any attachment. Can u resend? Btw, you might want to consider getting a new email address, now that you are a mom of 4!

From: momof3law@hotmail.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
Generally don’t like to use my work email for personal correspondence, but it seems like everyone else in DC does. Any idea why that is?

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: momof3law@hotmail.com
They do it to prove how important they are – a practice I would encourage you to adopt, so long as you aren’t engaged in a torrid workplace affair, or revealing something you wouldn’t like the firm’s email monitor to see.

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
Sterling Morris said it was OK for me to use my new work email, so long as I make sure to include the disclaimer at the bottom. Trust me, an affair is the last thing I need in my life right now, between unpacking the moving boxes and getting all four cherubs settled before I start my new job. Here’s the birth announcement–I think I attached it this time!

Desperate in DC Birth Announcement

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE:  This e-mail communication and any attachments may contain confidential, privileged and titillating information for the use of the designated recipients named above. You are not authorized to forward this e-mail to anyone unless authorized, or for purposes of idle gossip.  If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you have received this communication in error (or possibly on purpose) and that any review, disclosure, dissemination, distribution or copying of it or its contents is prohibited, no matter how juicy it is. If you have received this communication in error, please destroy all copies of this email and any attachment. Do not, whatever you do, forward it onto all your friends first!

Skye Chat
crystalwalker
oops. Wasn’t expecting you to be online at 4 a.m. Hope my email didn’t wake you. Only time I get on computer is when Baby is nursing but rest of the world is asleep. If I prop her up on a pillow, I cAn even tYpe with tow hands!

phoebethompson
this is actually best time of day to reach me. May no longer have babies to juggle, but I’ve developed habit of waking up for several hours during middle of night ever since twins were born. Used to drive me crazy till realized it’s actually most peaceful part of my day. I can catch up on email and shop online w/o being interrupted to service anyone else’s needs.

crystalwalker
that’s gr8, but aren’t u exhausted?

phoebethompson
permanently, altho’ find the occasional catnap at stop lights helps. 🙂

crystalwalker
btw, thank u for driving me to hospital the other day, after George was unable to leave work to take me. Hard to know what could be more important than the birth of one’s last child, but speeding tix will be a glorious reminder of how fast u drove to get me there.

phoebethompson
It was honor to be present at the birth of yr 4th child – and what a beauty she is, too! Also a thrill to be caught up in an actual birth drama – the urgent phone call; the legitimate need to speed; the fact that no-one else, including the putative father of your unborn child, could be there for you during yr hour of need.

crystalwalker
must confess, I was a little intimidated when u first stopped by with homemade beetroot and black bean muffins to welcome us to neighborhood a couple of weeks back. Not sure if it was the perfect blonde bob, the extra-short tennis dress or the devoted at-home mothering. But now that you’ve stared down my cervix w/o flinching, feel sure we’ll be BFFLs.

phoebethompson
you and George caused quite a sensation round the Village when you first moved in, as I don’t think anyone had seen quite so many children from just one marriage. Here in DC, only the very wealthy or those on their second or third families (the two usually go together) breed with such abandon. Also refreshing to see a family of brunettes in this enclave of natural and highlighted blonds (I will leave you to guess which I am). And delightful to be able to spend so much time with you during a month in which every other resident and their dog in the Village seems to be out of town. Glad my words of support proved helpful during active labor, which you insisted on enduring, like so many DC super-mums, without any kind of narcotic relief.  I made the mistake of giving birth to twins in my native London, where the midwife took it upon herself to let epidural wear off for pushing stage. I have an outstanding contract on the woman to this day.

crystalwalker
emailing announcement again now, and will make sure to actually attach it this time. BTW, don’t know what to make of the various Village newsletter offerings.  Can u pls advise if we should join the Country Club or Village Diversity Group?

phoebethompson
depends if you prefer hanging out with people who like alcohol or wheat grass in their smoothies.

crystalwalker
the former, of course. 🙂

phoebethompson
then it’s Country Club all the way, my friend. Must invite you to Prospective Cocktails asap, so you can see for yourself.

crystalwalker
would love that, but don’t you have to have a third generation drinking problem to get into such places here on the East Coast?

phoebethompson
trust me, the only family pedigrees you’ll find at the Village Country Club belong to member dogs, not their owners, although they may like to pretend otherwise. 😉

crystalwalker
guess it takes someone from the mother country to sort out the true WASPS from the wannabees. Fingers crossed they accept applications from people who hail from flyover country.

Posted in Chapter One, DC, The Novel

The neighbors are darlings, aren’t they?

August 9th, 2012 : No Comments »

Posting on Village Listserv
From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
Any idea why the pool at the Village Country Club is closed for TWO weeks this summer for renovations? What makes them think that every Village Resident can decamp to their beach house for the duration? Has it escaped the club’s notice that it is currently 98 degrees and steaming like a tropical rainforest out there?

Posting on Village Listerv
From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
Hello? Anybody out there? Guess everyone IS out of town. Of course, some of us expressly chose not to go away, so our children can take algebra before 5th grade.

Note from Phoebe to Lata
Por Favor, can you take the twins to the piscina publica today? The aire acondicionado is broken and we can’t afford to get it fixed right now.

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: bradthompson@p_Nis_sytems.com
Can’t believe we are ONLY people we know who are in town at the moment. The sacrifice for the sake of your hardware better be worth it. Thank God for the Walkers! They do seem to be a lovely family and quite sophisticated. But I do wish their eldest son, Kevin, would get rid of that ghastly haircut. He may have the twins all atwitter, but isn’t it preferable to be able to see where one is going? I can only hope he will come to his senses before school starts.

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Posted in Chapter One, DC, The Novel


Less is More?

August 10th, 2012 : No Comments »

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
Subject: Birth Announcement
Did you see the birth announcement? Here it is again as I’m sure the third time is the charm. Let me know what you think.

 

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
Re: Birth Announcement
Indeed it is, although I am a little puzzled by the lack of a name on the announcement. I can only assume you were anxious to get the card out to meet the expectations of your friends and family in Kansas City. I do hope the delay means you are affording this decision the weight it is due here on the East Coast. Far be it from me to suggest you might want to dispense with the double monikers you so delightfully employed with your first three cherubs, but I think you should know that such a practice may not help Baby’s prospects here.

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
Re: Birth Announcement
Lack of name is result of fear at making the same hasty mistake my parents did with me, and thereby christening my youngest with something that may have sounded charming when conjured up after drinking one or two glasses of bubbly, only to condemn one’s only child to a name that sounds like a stripper.

Any considered (and sober) advice you have to offer on this subject would be much appreciated.

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
Re: Birth Announcement
You may want to consider a more androgynous approach, as a way to help Baby avoid a glass ceiling in her future career. I have a good friend by the name of Mykal who clerked for the Supreme Court for three years before anyone realized she was a woman. Remember, no decision is too small to weigh carefully, especially when it comes to your child’s future college applications. There are several baby name consultants I would be happy to recommend, if you are interested.

A couple of other minor suggestions:

Here in Washington, it is considered important to avoid any ornamentation, which detracts from the central message. Recycled paper also earns you brownie points. You can check out some examples at www.moretastefulthanyou.com.

Also, it’s really not to your advantage to announce your reproductive capacities in a city where many people, including yours truly, have found the use of technology essential to produce offspring. Wouldn’t want to seem like you are bragging about your natural ability to pop them out now would you? Otherwise, the announcement looks great.

P.S. Keep meaning to ask: What is it that brought your charming family to DC in the first place?

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com   
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
RE: Birth Announcement
If you like the idea of early morning coffee klatches before heading home to do one’s domestic duties towards God and family, then Kansas City may be for you. If, like me, you happen to be a Women’s Studies graduate, the place can be a challenge. So when George was given the opportunity to leave his law firm and join Plunder & Hogg’s Environmental Affairs division, I told him to go for it – although not before I was able to secure a partnership with a law firm here in DC too. It seemed like the perfect way to show the cherubs more of the world, especially with what I hope will be the impending re-election of our first African American president! I could only be happier if he were a woman. 😉

Unfortunately, George and I have not had a moment since to discuss Baby’s name, or even whether or not we should sue the Ob/gyn who informed us we were having another boy, which has resulted in a costly re-paint of the nursery we just had done.

What brought you to DC – aside from the love of a good man?

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
RE: Birth Announcement
That, and the naive belief that this was just one more pit-stop on a life of jet-set travel. 🙂

Actually, I moved to DC as a reporter for BBC America a decade ago, but quit working after I met Brad and had the twins. I simply couldn’t imagine working and not being there for my little angels. Now, we can’t afford the travel, let alone the jet, which just between ourselves is the reason we canceled our annual trip back to London this summer. Brad assures me all that will change just as soon as the patent on his technology comes through next month, however, so fingers crossed he is right.

While our political views could not be more different, it’s been delightful to be able to spend so much time getting to know you and yours these past few weeks (and not just because everyone else is out of town ;)). Who knew a transplanted Brit and a gal from the midwest could have so much in common? Still, I simply can’t imagine having to go back to work so soon after giving birth. I don’t know how you do it!

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
RE: Birth Announcement
The prospect of starting at Sterling Morris only six weeks from now does have me feeling overwhelmed, as I am not sure our new German Au pair is up to the job of getting the three older cherubs off to school and handling them for a few hours in the afternoon before I get home. Nina IS only eighteen, but I may need to re-think our childcare arrangements before I start work.

Back in Kansas City, George and I used to trade off leaving the office early to pick the elder three cherubs up from daycare, but as the only registered Democrat in a traditionally Republican lobbying shop, he is having to work flat out making contacts with the potential new administration before the election. Hopefully, it’s a temporary situation, but something about the attitude of all the other cigar-smoking frat boys in his office makes me think they’re not used to the concept of a man having to do his share of changing diapers and cleaning up baby barf. Hope I’m wrong about that.

Fortunately, the staff at Baby’s new day care downtown seem more than competent. But why did they need to know her Apgar scores before agreeing to admit her, and why do they insist on thrusting flashcards in her face all day long?

Must sign off to call my new boss before she wakes up from her nap (Baby, not boss). Hope we can catch up properly in person sometime soon.

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Posted in Chapter One, DC, The Novel


My Friendly Neighborhood Pharmacy

August 12th, 2012 : No Comments »
Sunday,  August 12
Note from Nina to Crystal:

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
George dining at Palm D’Or tonite (2nd nite in row.) Do you know anywhere that might deliver a prescription for Nina’s Pill? I would run out, but Baby screaming.

Text from Phoebe to Crystal
I have samples from all major brands to deal with hormonal issues. Sending down with twins. Pls say they are nutritional supplements, in case they ask.

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
You = godsend!

BTW, blister pack arrived with a couple missing. Don’t suppose they’ll do twins any harm. Bless ‘em for tking their supplements!

Text from Phoebe to Crystal
Girls reported back they tasted yuk, and have sworn only to consume pills in shape of teddy bears from now on. Trust they have learned important lesson, altho’ have hidden all Mummy’s little helpers, just in case.

Tags: ,
Posted in Chapter One, Motherz in the Hood, The Nanny Files


Au Pair or Another Child?

August 13th, 2012 : No Comments »


 

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Posted in Chapter One, DC, The Nanny Files


Au Pair Strikes Again

August 14th, 2012 : No Comments »

Posted in Chapter One, DC, The Nanny Files

Healthier Than Thou?

August 15th, 2012 : No Comments »

Posted in Chapter One, The Nanny Files

Lover, or Work-at-home Husband?

August 16th, 2012 : No Comments »

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
Got your charming note, but no donuts. Hope twins didn’t discover Midwestern approach to nutrition on their way? :0

Text from Phoebe to Crystal
Hm. Must be time for another little talk about evils of refined sugar.

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
Speaking of sweet things, noticed shadowy male figure in bathrobe thru window while dropping off box around 11 am. Could this be your lover? My lips are sealed, but you know how other neighbors will talk.

Text from Phoebe to Crystal
Did I mention Brad works from home?

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
That explains it. 🙂 Barely see George these days, as I’m usually asleep by time he gets in.

Text from Phoebe to Crystal
Have you tried instituting cocktail hour? My mother observed it w/o fail, and claims it encourages workaholic husbands to hurry home. Also makes the evening run smoother, even on days they can’t make. Just say the word, and I will ask Lata to mix up an extra Pisco Sour (or two).

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
Wasn’t sure what that was until I looked it up, but sounds just like what I might need.

Text from Crystal to Phoebe
Pisco = well worth the pump and dump. Thank you!

Posted in Chapter One, DC, Food and Drink

Beware the Husband who Works from Home

August 17th, 2012 : No Comments »
Monday, August 27

Text from Phoebe to Brad
Gone to gym. Please try and get out of bed before noon so Lata can change the sheets.
Posted in Chapter One, Domestic Bliss, The Nanny Files

It’s All About Me, Isn’t It?

August 18th, 2012 : No Comments »

Mebook Message From Phoebe to Crystal
P would like to add you as a friend on Mebook. To confirm P as a friend, click Add or Ignore.

Mebook Message From Crystal to Phoebe
Just set up my Mebook account, and already have 59 friends, including old high school boyfriend. Apparently, it’s no longer just for teens. Occurs to me this may be perfect way to keep up with family and friends in KC, and let them know when I’ve had a chance to update my blog. You can link to it at www.fascinatingifonlytomyself/dcdiary.com.

Information:
Current City:Washington, DC
Hometown: Kansas City
Relationship Status: Married
No. of days till start at new law firm: 49
Motto: There’s no place like home

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Posted in Chapter One, Friendly Encounters, Technologically Speaking


Yours is Harvard material, n’est pas?

August 19th, 2012 : No Comments »

Posting on Village Listserv
Just a reminder about our New Neighbor Gathering and Frozen Yogurt/Gelato Social at the Village Green today, from 2-5 pm. We know that many of you are just back from vacation, but we do cordially suggest you take a break from contacting your divorce lawyer and/or childrens’ tutors and join us in providing a warm welcome for our newest neighbors before all the fall craziness starts.

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
FW: Posting on Village Listerv
Are you going?

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
Wouldn’t dream of it. Important not to appear too available until you’ve figured out if you actually want to be friends with these people first.

Text From Crystal to Phoebe
You were so right. Only people there were Lieberman and Browns, who insisted on dropping the H-bomb (Harvard) every 5 mins. Naturally, Kevin and Kimberly responded by getting into fight and dropping the F-bomb, at which point we decided it was time to leave. See u soon, I hope!

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Posted in Chapter One, The Novel, Worthier Than Thou


School Daze: The More You Pay, the Less They Go

August 27th, 2012 : No Comments »

Wall Post on C’s Mebook Profile
First day of school! Kevin refused to let me accompany him and his two younger sibs to the bus-stop, so I ended up waving from the doorstep, feeling like the mama turtle watching her babies scrabble down the beach towards the open sea. Anyone know if the private schools have started back yet?

Response from P
You know what they say: the more you pay, the less they go. Twins don’t start back until after Labor Day.

Response from C
Remind me again where your girls go to school? Seem to recall you giving me a name that sounded like something we were warned NEVER to try in college, but that can’t be right.

Message from P
My girls attend the Center for Research and Creativity (or CRAC, for short). Not as well known as Seton, but don’t let anyone tell you it’s a school for children with special needs. We prefer the term specially gifted. Unfortunately, Brad’s business is not bringing in the (admittedly astounding) amount of income required to keep the girls in CRAC and pay all our other bills, so we’re currently applying for financial aid.

How was the cherubs’ first day?

Message from C
Fine, but the absence of anyone playing on the street or the Village Green after school is deafening. Is there a child catcher on the loose, or are children simply being chauffeur driven from one activity to another once school lets out?

Message from P
A lot of people are still on vacay b/c the private schools haven’t started yet, but I think you will find the situation doesn’t change much once they do. As a matter of fact, you have just described the twins’ after-school routine perfectly. How else can they expect to master Spanish, Mandarin and classical jazz by the time they reach middle school? Must seize the opportunity of a chink in their schedule to get them together with the cherubs for a play date soon.

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Chapter One, DC, Finance


Have I Shared Too Much?

August 28th, 2012 : No Comments »

Wall Post on Crystal’s Mebook Profile
Just been informed by Karson’s preschool teacher that it’s never acceptable to put your hands around another child’s neck – even if the child in question snatched your basketball and is taunting you with it. Hard to believe anyone seriously feels threatened by a boy who has yet to break thirty-five pounds, particularly in a class where some kids appear suspiciously close to puberty, but I guess East-Coasters are made of softer stuff.

Mebook Message From Phoebe to Crystal
Welcome to DC, my dear, where children are held back whenever possible to give them an academic edge when it comes to applying for college. You’d think admissions officers might start to notice that the average DC child is mastering his ABC’s around the same time he or she is also learning to shave, but I dare say it’s never too early to start lying about one’s age.

Speaking of school, only 168 hours (one more week) before the twins go back. Can’t say they were happy about having to attend math camp this week, but they should have thought about that before they came home with Bs on their last report cards, shouldn’t they?

BTW, you may not want to post QUITE so much personal information on your wall concerning Karson’s troubles at school. Such candor is charming, but you never know when such information can be used against you round these parts. Whatever passes between us regarding personal and familial shortcomings, of course, goes in the vault. Remember, knowledge is power!

Mebook Message From Crystal to Phoebe
Thanks for the word of warning. No wonder my newest MeBook friends here in DC only seem to post what they had for breakfast.

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Posted in Chapter One, DC, Technologically Speaking


Hey, wait, maybe an intestinal parasite isn’t so bad?

August 29th, 2012 : No Comments »

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
Subject: Playdate
So glad we were able to get your cherubs together with my twins yesterday afternoon. Kimberly-Ann broke the ice nicely when she offered to show my youngest (by two minutes), Cecily her tattoo – temporary, I assume. And who knew Karson-James would prove to be my eldest twin’s soul mate? He may be several years Emily’s junior, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a shared enthusiasm for World of Wizardry could one day translate into another kind of lifelong passion.

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
RE: Playdate
Thanks for the whispered word of warning about your housekeeper’s fondness for homemade purgatives. I had the cherubs discreetly dump Lata’s  ‘Guava and Acai smoothies’ she made for them in the bushes as soon as her back was turned. Pretty sure they have consumed worse things than an Amazonian laxative dressed up as a protein shake in their time, but I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Hope we can get together again soon!

Posted in Chapter One, DC

Left Holding the Baby

August 29th, 2012 : No Comments »

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: gwalker@plunderhogg.com
Can you PLEASE come home early for once to shoot some hoops with your oldest son? Kevin-John claims not to have been assigned any homework yet, so he’s moping around the house and tormenting his younger brother. No wonder Karson feels obliged to resort to violence with his peers at pre-school.

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: gwalker@plunderhogg.com
Fine. Just don’t come crying to me when the cherubs start sending you their therapy bills.

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
Subject: Blood-curdling Screams
Heard what sounded like distant wails coming from the vicinity of your house last night, and briefly considered offering to help with Baby, until sanity in the form of one of Lata’s pisco sours intervened.

Everything OK?

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
RE: Blood-curdling Screams
Cries of anguish were not Baby’s but my own reaction to George’s announcement that he’s going fishing in Wyoming with a couple of clients next week. That leaves Nina and me behind to cope with all the cherubs. He claims the trip is strictly for work, but he did admit to feeling the need to get away from all the demands placed on him at home these days. Doesn’t he realize that a maternity leave spent running a household with four demanding children is not exactly spring break in Daytona for me?

I know we both made the choice to move to here and have another baby. I just failed to anticipate I would be raising it as a single mother. Was this what the Sisters at my Catholic girls’ school meant by having it all?

From: phobebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
RE: Blood-curdling screams
If Brad so much as thought about taking a trip without me after I had just given birth, he’d be a hunting souvenir by now. As it is, your predicament is but a distant memory for those of us who feel our husbands don’t travel enough.

In theory, Brad is responsible for bringing in all the household income, while I do everything else. Since the most common alternative to this arrangement appears to be for a woman to bring in the income and do everything else, I prefer to delegate at least one responsibility to my other half. To be fair, Brad does like to cook, but I’m not sure the occasional bowl of homemade pesto, delicious as it may be, is enough to make up for the fact that he has singularly failed to provide any significant earnings for a substantial period of time. And while I do believe in the man, I am also rather anxious about the dwindling size of our savings account. At this rate, we can barely afford to send one of the twins to community college.

If only I could remember which one promised to administer my sponge baths once I’m in the nursing home.

Text message from Crystal to George
What time will you be home tonite? In case u forgot, it’s Nina’s night off. U can’t possibly expect me to cook dinner AND handle homework/bedtime 4 all 4 cherubs alone. Can u?

Skye Chat
crystalwalker
do u happen to have some of Brad’s pesto to spare? George just texted to say won’t be home till 10, and cupboard is bare. Willing to pay top dollar!

phoebethompson
Will ask Brad asap.

Text From Crystal to Phoebe
Pesto = DELICIOUS. Please tell Brad he’s a godsend!

Posted in Chapter One, Domestic Bliss

Mani/Pedi Therapy

August 29th, 2012 : No Comments »
From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
Subject: Domestic Bliss
What a charming picture you and Baby presented when I stopped by to drop off the pesto yesterday evening. There you were, snuggled up with this sleeping bundle of potential, while I was forced to return home to the same tedious old husband and rapidly aging children, whose personalities (and issues) were only too real.I know this is only part of the picture, and that babies are exhausting, but Brad has started pushing me to have another one of late – either that, or go back to work. Seeing as we are unlikely to conceive the old-fashioned way, I suppose I’ll just have to step up my volunteering (important to look busy) and hope his patent comes through in time for us to adopt a child before some Hollywood celebrity gets to them first.

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
RE: Domestic Bliss
You have an amazing ability to filter out the rest of the story while you were visiting yesterday. Didn’t you notice Kevin demanding I allow him to download slash metal music on his mePod, or Kimberly whining that her life was ruined by the arrival of another girl in the family? How could you miss Karson trying to turf Baby out of her bouncy chair when he thought no-one was looking?

Thank God, I had a bowl of Brad’s pasta to look forward to after I had wrestled (almost) all of them into bed. That stuff is addictive. The last time I remember getting that excited about a bunch of green leaves was back in college.

Skye Chat
phoebethompson
Keep quiet about pesto and there’ll be more where that came from. In meantime, do hope you get some sleep! Should help in these and so many other matters. Find weekly mani/pedis especially helpful for relaxation, and my last luxury (aside from Lata) to be discarded during tough times. Just so happens I have an appointment in half an hour. Care to join?

crystalwalker
Yes, but concerned au pair and George will judge me for being frivolous. Used to be so much easier to slip into salon on way home from work.

phoebethompson
Remind me where George is traveling next wk? As for Nina, just say u have an important meeting to attend, which is TRUE. Do you think Lata believes me when I walk out door dressed in power suit and return with fresh coat of OPI’s Slutty As a Presidential Intern? A hard stare is usually all it takes to silence that mocking look in her eyes.

crystalwalker
George claims the fishing trip is essential both for work and his mental health, as he finds it hard to relax w/o some kind of rod in his hands. Guess I’m entitled to feel the same way about pampering. Besides, while cat’s away, mice will play, right? I’m in.

phoebethompson:
Lata just showed up wearing favorite pair of jeans again. Swear she only does it to prove she looks better in them at fifty than I do at…well, let’s not go there. As soon as I wrestle ‘em off her, I’ll swing by and pick you up.

Tags:
Posted in Chapter One, Domestic Bliss


But where are you, darling?

August 29th, 2012 : No Comments »

Text from Crystal to George
WTH is your travel itinerary? U promised to email it before u left! Can’t BELIEVE how irresp. Ur with 4 chrbs at home. U cd be mauled by bear and dead for weeks before we found out!

Text from Crystal to George
Can’t BELIEVE u wd go somewhere w/o cellphone coverage.

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: jsmith@plunderhogg.com
Subject: Travel Schedule
Dear Jane,
Can you please forward my husband’s travel itinerary for the next 7 days ASAP? He promised to get it to me before he left, but it must have slipped his mind. My children and I will sleep much better at night knowing where my husband is.

Thanks.

Crystal

Posted in Chapter One, Domestic Bliss

Business or Pleasure?

August 30th, 2012 : No Comments »

Ch1_travel_George_itin1

Ch1_travel_George_itin2

Posted in Chapter One, DC

When Hubby’s ‘Business Partner’ Turns Out to be a Woman

August 30th, 2012 : No Comments »
From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
Subject: Help!
May need more than a fresh mani/pedi to get me through latest marital crisis. Just before he left, George told me that someone called ‘Taylor’ from the office would be accompanying him on this trip. Naturally, I assumed that Taylor was a man, but when I happened to call George’s office about his travel itinerary this morning, I discovered that Taylor is in fact a twenty-nine year-old WOMAN. Turns out, your tip about gender-neutral names was right on the money.

I am currently leaning towards painful castration, but suspect my hormones may be messing with my judgment. I considered sending all the cherubs to him IMMEDIATELY, but then realized they may get an education for which they are not yet prepared. Any advice before I choose to exercise my second amendment rights?

From: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
To: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
RE: Help!
I’ll be right over. Please resist the urge to do or say anything you might regret in the meantime. I’m sure there must be some innocent explanation, even if I can’t for the life of me think of one right now.

From: crystalwalker@sterlingmorris.com
To: phoebegb@sahmsrule.net
RE: Help!
Just left a message for George at the lodge where he and Taylor are staying, saying there’s been a family emergency. Didn’t specify what. Thanks for coming over. Don’t know what I would do without you, esp. now that I appear to be on the brink of becoming a single parent for real.

Posted in Chapter One, Domestic Bliss

DC Diary, August 2012

August 31st, 2012 : No Comments »

Posted in Chapter One, DC

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