P,

Ever wonder what kind of "woman of a certain age" you will be?  Quite naturally, I suppose, we all aspire to be the chain-smoking hipster with a slightly ironic worldview.  I suspect, dear P, that I may share more in common, however, with Gladys Kravitz from the beloved sitcom Bewitched.  I already share a quite unhealthy interest in the goings-on in my neighborhood and, more specifically, what may be happening behind closed doors.  Oh, to be clear, I’m not only interested in your love life but rather the inner workings of your family and its unlikely but possible dysfunctional aspects.  I’m afraid there’s not much hope for change, P.  Perhaps the only saving grace is I will continue to think of myself more like Serena (you remember Samantha’s vixen cousin) than Gladys.  I am, frankly, not sure what’s more depressing: becoming the woman the world abhors or believing oneself to be someone entirely different.  I think I’ll have a cigarette now — perhaps paving the way to hell with at least some good intentions.

Faithfully,

C.

Dear C,

I fear that the fact we can both remember the sitcom, Bewitched (on RE-RUNs, I hasten to add) probably already qualifies us as ladies of a certain age in some peoples’ eyes. Unlike you however, dear C, I find myself concerned not so much with which character I most resemble, but rather, which of Samantha’s two Darrins would play the oldballandchain in the TV movie of our lives? Would it be the affable but long-suffering Dick York, or the affable but long-suffering Dick Sargent? And what is it about the two of them I find so troubling? Is it the way Samantha’s mother, Endora, is always trying to catch Darrin lusting after other women; or simply the fact that I always suspected one of them was gay, and can never remember which one it is? Come to think of it, that’s exactly what I find myself doing with the oldballandchain, although in my case, of course, I would show none of Samantha’s admirable restraint in using my witchy powers to get at the truth. Although, having one husband for shopping, and another to fix things round the house might be the perfect solution after all.

Faithfully,

P.