desperate in dc
desperate in dc

Archive for June, 2010

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Pre-Teen Scorned

June 12th, 2010 : No Comments »

Dear C,

Remember how I was just telling you over tea this afternoon that my new philosophy in life is to only make choices that make my life LESS hellish, not more? It all so seemed simple, didn’t it? When weighing up two competing options, one of which would result in disappointment or inconvenience to a family member or friend, and the other in additional stress or inconvenience to me, I was henceforth always going to choose the former.

The breathtaking simplicity of this solution was enough to bring tears to my eyes. It was all so self-evident, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. After all, it wasn’t as if the rest of the world was falling over itself to do me a favor. One had only how to look at how my friend, S had the unfailing ability to palm her children off on me while on vacation, without so much as a whiff of reciprocation, to see what a carefree, untroubled existence those with good boundaries lead. No wonder the OBC always finds her so charmingly laidback and unruffled!

Alas, I had failed to contend with the thorny problem of my pre-teen when I made this pronunciation. No sooner had I taken the decision NOT to agree to take her best friend to the beach with us next week – a journey that would require the cancellation of 3 appointments on my part to accommodate her availability – than said pre-teen fled to her room and burst into loud, gut-wrenching sobs. Judging by the wailing coming from her room, I had just killed her pet rabbit and was now systematically boiling it for dinner. The sobbing continued long after I had retreated to my bedroom and locked the door, intending to ignore the storm until it had passed. After all, she and I both knew she was faking it.

Half an hour and one shower later, the wailing from her room was still audible over the sound of my hair dryer. I decided to face the guilt like a man, head on. I knocked on pre-teen’s daughter.

I have to admit, she was good. Instead of screaming at me that I had ruined her life, she merely accused me of always putting my friends first – a fact that is truer than I care to admit. She also accused me of never following through on any promises. Again, completely true.

The upshot of our conversation is that the OBC and I are now driving two very happy pre-teens 11 hours each way for a beach vacation that lasts all of 4 days (to fit in with friend’s family schedule).

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to cancel 3 appointments.

P.

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Posted in DC, Family Values

Re: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Pre-Teen Scorned

June 11th, 2010 : No Comments »

Darling P,

I was fully prepared to lecture you about establishing good boundaries with your children and not allowing their petty manipulations to sway your good judgment in matters they cannot fully understand.  Which, unless I’ve missed an important detail in your saga, is exactly what you should do.  My situation, however, is entirely different and requires, I think, another approach.

My own teenage daughter, who jetted off to Paris with her grandparents just last week, insisted she longed to communicate with us via Skype while there.  I smiled smugly inside as it isn’t every parent who has a teenager who likes them enough to take time away from a European holiday to call home.

I waited patiently for a day and then tried to Skype at an appropriate moment.  I failed, after several tries and days of effort to ever reach daughter–even after sending many pleading emails to pick a moment that worked for her.  Nothing.  No response to email, no slightly annoying ringing Skype tone to answer.

Finally, in a last ditch effort to be close to my darling cherub, I bounded into her room and flung myself on her four-poster bed hoping, at the very least, her smell remained in its covers.  Instead, I felt a lump under the mattress and reached to remove the offending object.  It was, in fact, daughter’s brand new Macbook Pro.  Not only had daughter misrepresented her intentions and desire to communicate with us, she was so determined NOT to communicate that she left her very favorite object d’amour (that I guarantee) behind to avoid it.  In addition, and most offensive to a mother who loves technology but always invests in her children first, she hid the damn thing from me–knowing full well that I would have used it blissfully for the ten days she is away.

The mature response would be, I think,  to simply discuss the situation directly after her return and make her see how deeply wounded is her mother, who did after all give her life and the laptop.  Instead, I returned the laptop to its hiding spot and won’t mention anything at all. 

I wonder how long it will take her to ask me for the password I created to use the machine?  Since she does seem to be a tiny bit like her mother, I will prohibit our computer guy from taking her pleading calls.  Game, set, match is, after all, what it’s all about, right P?

C.

Posted in Domestic Bliss, Family Values, Technologically Speaking