Dear C,

I have discovered a wonderful new word in my vocabluary – one whose monosyllabic bluntness I confess fills me with a heady thrill. I am speaking, of course, of the word ‘No’ – a term hitherto  reserved for combatting the oldballandchain’s incessant  marital demands. Yesterday, I employed this exotic term no less than twice – first, in refusing to take care of a new classmate of my eldest, whose single working mother asked if her daughter could come over to our house every day after school; and secondly, in refusing to drive over to the house of my youngest’s best friend, who had forgotton her homework and wanted to copy my daughter’s.

Of the two, I must confess to finding most pleasure in sticking it to the latter, a singularly pushy child who will no doubt have a long and successful career in DC politics one day. However, lest you fear I am about to embark on a career specializing in thwarting the desires of harmless eight-year olds, let me add that I have since branched out into nixing the demands of the adult world, also.  Only yesterday, I declined to assist the school PTA president in her scheme to enlist volunteers to help clean up the sorely neglected school grounds. No doubt, it would save all those parents with Important Careers thousands of tax dollars to have people like me do it for nothing, but, as I explained to her on the phone, I am far too busy scheduling my next pedicure and massage appointments to possibly spare the time. 

I feel confident, dear C, that you will be able to supply my daughters with the requisite recommendations should the need arise, as it may shortly, to get them into private school.

Faithfully,

P.

P,

I must admit to undying admiration for your newest policy positions.  I only wonder whether you will soon apply this vocabulary to your own children.  It is becoming harder to deny that my cherubs don’t notice the ever-widening disparity between the mothering down the street and that which they receive at this address.  I am somewhat concerned that saying no to others may only encourage you to treat your children’s demands as an even higher priority–clearly jeopardizing my ever hardening parenting positions of, "Not now, not ever," as well as its closely related corollary, "Because I said so."

Now, you may think it is clearly unfair for me to expect you to follow my philosophical leanings just because we share the same block, but you really must think of all of our children as one larger family.  For me, really, it’s as if we lived in a commune (without spouse swapping to be sure) or a communist society with totalitarian leanings in which the fate of one must closely follow the others.  If not, revolt is certain–and frankly, with the sheer numbers I have in my home, your own security will surely be threatened.

So, while I embrace your baby steps, I only plead for additional movement in the direction of my own "tough love" philosophy where dogs, husbands and children are concerned.  Would love to chat more, but I need to pull hubby out of our new minivan.  He seems to have fallen for the voice of the woman who controls the navigational system.  At least the new vehicle has a quite large rear end, so I don’t worry that he will make a long-term commitment.

Faithfully,

C.